Chani Getter speaks about her sexuality and her religion

"That's so gay." Take this offensive refrain, heard regularly in mainstream American culture, and add the stringent beliefs of the Hasidic orthodox community and a homophobia so poignant that the issue is never even considered. Now imagine living as Chani Getter, a lesbian mother of three who left behind her Hasidic roots in favor of college and a new life. Getter spoke at Hillel on Friday night after Shabbat dinner and then answered questions at a Saturday potluck, sharing thoughts on her sexual orientation, evolving perception of Judaism and a liberating outlook on the world.
"I grew up in a community where sexuality wasn't discussed," Getter said, sporting a black knitted kippah. "I believed that all women were attracted to women and just married to have children. It's more difficult now that I'm reconnecting with my past."
Getter's past is indeed troublesome. After an arranged marriage at age 17, her desires began to conflict with the facade she displayed for the rest of the world. When Getter requested a get to dissolve their marriage, her husband refused, calling her crazy. Yet she persevered.
"You come to a certain point in your life where you can't do it anymore," Getter explained. "They say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I wasn't going to be insane."
After finally obtaining her get, Getter worked through college with no aid from family or friends. Her ex-husband does not pay child support, and her parents refused to speak to her for eight years. Their absence was particularly loud when Getter's daughter was hit by a car four years ago. Isolated and alone, Getter sought refuge in God.
"There are times when we're in so much pain that God becomes a parent," she said. "God hears us even when we're not speaking."
Last September, Getter faced more challenges when she did an interview with the Yiddish newspaper, The Forverts. Her landlord, unaware of her past, refused to renew her lease when the article came out. Frustrated, Getter turned to her rabbi.
"I told him, 'I'm gay, and I'm religious,'" she said. "I don't think I'd ever told him directly. I don't know what he did, but when I came back, it was all fixed."
Though Judaism has seemed to be Getter's savior in the worst of times, she struggles with some of its restrictions everyday. "There are pieces of the Torah that I hate, that make my skin crawl," she said. "But I love this path. It's kind of like in a relationship. You struggle and rub up against hard places. I know Judaism well, and I rub up against it all the time."
Getter also acknowledged the recent blitz of homosexual suicides in the press. "But the fact that more are being reported brings awareness. When we say things like 'That's so gay,' we're hurting ourselves and the world at large."
Getter's partner, Jackie, was present at both the talk and the potluck Q & A. "It is so beautiful to be in a relationship with someone for whom God is as important as He is to me," she said. "The fact that she's a woman is just irrelevant."
Various attendees of the events left feeling enlightened. "I'm always interested in hearing people's stories and for her, it sounds like she found a really good place, and we can all learn from that. That's where God is-in between people-and that's where you learn the most," said junior psychology major Shoshanna Rosen.
"It was kind of a continuation of our big speaker last year who was a gay orthodox rabbi," said junior philosophy and Jewish studies major Hannah Spiro, who is the president of Hamsa, the Jewish LGBT group on campus sponsoring the event. "[Getter] had more of a personal than an academic take, though, so it was great."
Getter's talk was also a subject for the Immersion Project, which examines the crossover between various sectors of life, such as sexual orientation and religion. "She spoke on a higher level; her ideas of family and relationships made it more real for me," said Immersion Project member and graduate student Douglas Lee, who is pursuing a degree in college student personnel.
Ultimately, Getter also feels enriched by her experiences. "If ten years from now, you told me I would be doing this, I would have been terrified. I wouldn't be pursuing a rabbinical degree, I would never wear pants, are you crazy?! But because I take each step and I take each step consciously, I love who I am and who I've become.